The past couple years have been lifechanging. I have had many mental, emotional and spiritual breakthroughs and I want to share more about my journey with you all. I want to share beyond just my art. I want to share my life, my spiritual journey and how it all connects.
My husband, Kodi and I moved to California recently after he joined the military and this big move has inspired me to share about the miraculous changes in my life. We have been here for about a week and a half and the experience has already resulted in several beautiful mindset shifts.
I was raised in an anxious environment full of fear, worry, doubt, and lack of compassion. these built in patterns have been slowly transforming as I continue to challenge them and relearn how I want to live life. In the beginning of this move I could feel those old patterns emerging, trying desperately to keep me safe and stop me from making this big move.
Kodi and I have been hotel hopping, until we get approved for an apartment, which is what is creating a lot of stress and doubt with how slow the process has been. It has created this feeling like we don't truly have a home yet. That safe space where we can let out a deep breath of relief after a long day. However, the excitement continued to grow as we plan for our future together. I also love house shopping so that brought me a lot of joy.
Aside from that, I also feared that what if I couldn't let go of my past life? what if it was too difficult? I had so many friends and family members nearby and that comfort is now an thousands of miles away.
The first week out here was hell as all these questions, doubts, and fears plagued my mind and took away my sense of safety and calm. My body has been accustomed to the fight or flight syndrome most of my life and I was working real hard to grow out of that. But here it was again.
My body was on flight mode.
I wanted to run away from it all.
I felt so much resistance in my soul. I didn't feel like myself at all. I felt numb. That was the scariest part. All these amazing things were coming into my life and I felt so negative and this lack of love in my heart.
I couldn't take it anymore and I asked for help. I prayed. That night during the full moon energy, I wrote a list of all my fears and meditated. I allowed myself to release all those emotions that were welled up inside and I cried the rest of the night. Then, I tore that piece of paper up and released those fears to the universe for good.
The next day I had a massive shift in my energy. I felt like myself again. I was exhausted and my body was aching, but I felt so much peace and love in my heart again. I wasn't even expecting a transformation as profound as that and the experience helped me grow so much trust in myself. I knew exactly what would help me get through this when I needed it. These are some of the beautiful lessons I have been learning that also inspire my artwork and inspire my purpose. I want to continue growing my arsenal of tools to be able to share with others to help anyone else who wants it.